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How to stay afloat when your Life is in Limbo



We all go through phases in our lives where we are in limbo, i.e. waiting in anticipation for something. For some reason this something messes with our whole emotional well-being. We start telling ourselves that we can only be secure when we know the outcome of what we are waiting for – which is true to a degree. A fear of dread pulses through our nervous system when we imagine a ‘No’ response. It can be something as small (yet very stressful) as waiting for the outcome of a visa application, to something bigger like a home loan application. If you are going through a ‘waiting’ period, I feel you! In the last year, especially, I have been holding my breath in anticipation A LOT! Here are some examples that hold varying degrees of stress: two visa applications, the outcome of job interviews, as a freelancer waiting on month end (for the last 7 months) to see if I have financially made it and cringing when I don’t ‘make it’, waiting for RSVP's to my workshops, waiting on the outcome of my mother’s cancer, wondering when my Father’s end is to come, waiting for clarity around my spiritual journey and career. Anyways, I am writing this blog for you and me because despite it all I have made it through, with a bit of adrenal fatigue yes, but either way I am here and I trust that every day has potential to get better and better. So here are a few tips to stay afloat when you are in limbo, and maybe drowning just a bit:


1. Breathe. Sounds obvious but often in times of stress we hold our breath, causing anxiety in the body. When I say I breathe, I mean breathe like deep yogi breathing/3 part breath, which is sitting up straight and sending breath down to the belly first, and then filling the lungs last.* This type of breath is powerful in accessing and unlocking emotions in the body – you might find yourself crying or very angry. It’s important to let it out, after all, it doesn’t pay rent right?


2. Get physical. For me, yoga has helped me tremendously. It might not be your thing so running, walking, gym or dancing will do. If you don’t have a gym membership or your neighborhood is not safe to run in, stop making excuses, put on some of your favourite music and dance! Your spirit and body will love it!


3. Keep going…one thing at a time! We often try do too many things at once or hold too many things in our minds, which makes us anxious leading to stalling constructive action. Waiting is a funny thing as we stop doing all our other regular tasks and then they build up, creating even more anxiety. When this happens, go back to breathing and do one thing at a time. Prioritize what is REALLY important right now and what can wait. This can create a lot of relief and help you see that not everything is important right now.


4. Let Depression Guide you…and then Fight! I fall into mild depression on a regular basis. When this happens I let it be, spending days alone and watching my favourite series or listening to interesting podcasts. There then comes a point where I have to acknowledge the depression and listen to what it is saying. There is definitely wisdom in depression – it might be showing me that I am going in the wrong direction or that I am self-sabotaging, or that I need to stop trying to control everything. Once I acknowledge the wisdom/lesson, the depression doesn’t automatically lift so I have to then fight it. Fighting involves moving away from watching series' to getting up, going for a walk or doing something different that’s a bit more nourishing. On another level, a lot of us carry ancestral depression where we are holding things that are not ours, but belong to the generations before us. By finding ways of healing from this and fighting it, you could be in fact healing generational trauma and paving a clearer more abundant path for future descendants. The thought of this might depress you more or encourage you to fight harder! Ways of healing this is completely your choice – you can visit Sangomas, go for family constellation therapy or just simply become conscious about it and see where it takes you.


5. Have something to look forward to. Schedule some down-time. Go out and have a good party, go to a workshop/class that you know you would enjoy or take a course to further develop yourself. Money the issue? Negotiate a payment plan or non-monetary exchange. Having something to look forward to can also include seeing an old friend, watching a movie, going for a massage or spending time in nature. By the way, spending some time in nature has tremendous positive effects on the body and brain – even just 5 minutes in your garden with a cuppa tea can shift your energy.


6. Reach out for support. So visiting a friend or asking for advice/help from family has been a big help to me. There is always someone you can ask for support/help from. You might be tempted to underestimate someone’s support by telling yourself that it won’t make a difference…trust me, it will. It’s the small gestures and the feeling of support in any shape or form that helps boost us.


7. Do what you can with what you have. Get creative with this. If you only have a certain amount or type of food in your house, create something nourishing with what you have instead of wishing for pizza or a grand meal. Pay the bills that you can and don’t panic when you miss a month of payments on your car, home etc. In logical reality, these cannot be taken from you overnight. Instead of waiting even longer for the outcome of an application, follow up. If a family member might be dying, it’s not all on you. Acknowledge this and support them in a way that you can, not allowing all your resources and energy to be drained from it. This leads me to the last but most important point. Take back your power!


8. Take back your power! This is a huge one for me. We often let our own personal power leak all over the place – leaving us weak. The way I take my power back is looking at other options. If I am waiting on the outcome of job interviews, I continue looking for other jobs, or if I am worried about the outcome of a visa application I tell myself I can apply again – why not? Our happiness and direction should not come from one decision. We shouldn’t be able to start living when we [fill in the blank]. There are ALWAYS other options. A ‘No’ can mean that there is something better out there for you! A relevant part of taking back your power is acknowledging your weakness, pinpointing where you could be lying to yourself. There is no wo/man more powerful than the wo/man who is authentically in touch with their flaws. When it comes to worries around losing someone (through death or otherwise), unfortunately that is out of our control. Literally! Gaining perspective on this can be humbling through the pain – helping you realise that our lives are in fact temporary, so why not be bold and love ourselves and our close ones through it all. An affirmation that helps me take back my power is…try it with me, put your hands on your heart, take a deep breath in…and out…and in and say out loud: “I detach from everything and everyone, my spirit is free”. Do this a few times and notice the effects.


I have provided my own examples in the above tips. My guidance to you is to reflect on how you could apply the above to your own limbo. Good - Luck!


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